Golf in London

Palewell Pitch and Putt course is laid out over Palewell common in South West London, just down the road from East Sheen, close to Richmond Park. It’s a 9 hole pitch and putt course and other facilities include 4 hard-surface tennis courts.

It’s neighbouring courses are Richmond Park Golf Course, Roehampton Golf Club, Dukes Meadows Golf Club.

Palewell Golf & Tennis Centre
Palewell Common
Hertford Avenue
East Sheen
Middlesex
SW14 8RE

£6 for 9 holes or £8 for 18 holes.

The holes average 80 yards in length and the greens are larger than your average bear. The course is maintained to a good standard, and everything (clubs, balls, tees etc are available for hire).

Exceptionally for a pitch and putt, there is the possibility to learn how to play with tuition from a PGA professional golfer. Individual and group coaching session can be booked at the kiosk.

Palewell Park belongs to Richmond Borough Council who look after the recycling of London’s rich and privileged, and make sure they don’t bump into any undesirables. The Park is mainly given to sporting activities and it’s a very attractive setting for a 9 hole pitch and putt course.

The course is divided in two by what is now a clear and sparkly Beverly Brook. The water flows behind the first and third greens. Its name derives from the Beavers that used to fish its depths. Beavers, Beverly…obvious when you wikipedia it.

Now, a bigger fan of the beaver you will not find. My house is wall-to-wall beaver. Pictures of ‘em everywhere. I love beaver. I’m the Grand Master of the Worshipful Company of Beaver Believers and Keeper of the Furry Cup. It’s true. I don’t like to talk about it but I’m the Archbishop of all Beaveringham and the last Baron Beaverhausen. I took the same degree in Beaver Studies 9 years running. You get me? I’m lovin the beaver dude. Lovin it. It’s beaver before mates with me. Beaverbeaverbeaver. But even in my sorry misguided mania for damp mammals with big smiles, I know in my fart of hearts, it’s a damn pest.

It’s the teeth see.  Oh, they grow at a fearsome rate. Awful fast. Faster than the speed of sight. By the time one centimetre of slimy stalactite has formed, an unchecked beaver incisor could have reached Mars. I tell you, we don’t need a space program. All we need do is tilt a beaver’s head in the right direction, nail it to a post for a decade, and we could climb on top and stroll into orbit man.

Course, the Japanese have known this for millenia. Those canny sons and daughters (tears and laughter) of Nippon harvest enamel from specially farmed Beavers and make the most exquisitely shaped hot tubs. Lovely work. Oh yeah, beautiful craftsmanship. But you can never get rid of the stink of fish. And that, my friends, as we all know, is the fatal flaw of the beaver.

But back in the wild, the Beav’s gotta gnaw to survive. And with no bark to bite, those gnashers can grow to be a foot long in a week. They’re the Bee Gees of the Ganges baby. I’m not saying the’ve wrecked the River but boy can they build. They’re the scourge with the urge. They are the Lord’s own Furry Carpenters. Just look at Thames Gateway. Beaver’s work! I’m tellin’ ya. Two beavers, chatting on the riverbank. Y’know, chewin the bark. And this crisp packet, covered in the rudimentary child-like scawlings of Lord Rogers, blows by and slaps ‘em. Right in the chevy chase. Two months later: biggest housing estate in Europe. On a flood plain. I ask you. You can’t trust em. They won’t be flats, they’ll be sunks. Has the world gone mad?

I like that, The Furry Carpenters. Makes me wanna start a band. Can anyone play pink oboe? We’ll have Bill Bailey on Pubes, Murray on gopher, Hicks on beaver, Nighy on vocals, and Gates on keyboard. If you’re name’s Bill, you’re in. Let’s rock! No. Sleep. Till bedtime!

Aaaalllrightythen….where were we? Golf! That’s the ticket.

Palewell has 9 holes arranged in two areas of the park. The first area next to the kiosk has holes 1, 2, 3, and 9, with the remainder over the otherside of the Brook. The first and last greens are in excellent shape for a pitch and putt, and are made more interesting with the addition of a small pond in front of the ninth and bunkers around the first.

Generally the greens are of a good size and may have been in good condition once, but they’ve had some use and are a bit worse for wear.

Palewell is flat and short, but the best is made of the available space and the course is livened up with bunkers and a water hazard on the 9th. An enclosed parkland setting in one of the most desirable areas of town make it a pleasure to play. The price is quite high for a short pitch and putt, but it’s well looked after.

I suppose the stand out hole is finishing hole over water, but the third and fourth holes along the treeline are also excellent, and I think it was the third where you have to play a low, knockdown wedge under the branches.

As I was playing, one budding Peter Aliss shouted through the fence as I tried to putt out…”Goal!”, and when I had missed by a couple of feet, ‘Good skills mate”. That’s young people for you. Sarcastic in the presence of greatness. No respect for their elders. National Service, that’s what they need. Not guns and stuff though. Put them in the Health Service. There’s no room for sarcasm when you’re wiping arse.

Overall, Palewell is a shining example of pitch and putt in a park.

Can’t recommend it highly enough.